catharsis

today my heart feels truly overwhelmed. i can barely get the motivation to write this post but i feel as though my brain is going to explode. i feel like any creative energy i've ever posessed has slowly drained out of my pores. i never write, read, sketch, or paint. i sit in front of a computer 9 hours a day and my brain has turned to much. i've come to the realization that i may have ADD because i can hardly stand to do one thing for too long. i begin a homework project and 5 minutes later i must be doing something else. i can't take this! this is not me. i want to be calm and relaxed and not so anxious at all times. i need a more creative space. i want to redecorate my room to something more inspiring. more colors and art to give me a more creative energy. i absolutely need motivation. i wish my boyfriend would push me more. a close friend of mine enjoys my writing a lot and recently asked me if i've been writing. i couldn't even remember the last time i did. this is what i need; people asking me about my art. i used to love photography and poetry and i don't do a speck of either anymore. this breaks my heart. whats even worse is that i found the most inspiration in sorrow and heartache. i feel as though the only way to bring back the creative flow is through emotional trauma and of course who wants that? so here i am at a crossroads, trying to find myself. i want to pull a thoreau and just escape into the forest for awhile to be alone with my crazy mind. hmmmm....time to start daydreaming about this.